When the world ended the atmosphere blazed,
From horizon to horizon in a blue methane haze.
Homo sapiens died, their extinction complete,
No longer lesser creatures with forks would they eat.
The conspiracy planned since the dawn of time,
When the first rumen, humans killed to dine.
People had ignored the United Nations report
Instead laughing and saying: “It’s a crude joke of sort!”
There in words, as plain as day, it could be read,
“Cattle eliminations caused global warming,” it said.
But the truth was hidden by burps, belches and farts,
As the world’s cattle diligently performed their parts.
Each had a job to eat as much food as they could,
Ruminating gas production by thoroughly chewing their cud.
All this, while humans fought over oil prices, religion, tax,
Miley Cyrus CD’s, political parties, plastic boobies and sex.
Cows lay in fields placid, non threatening and benign,
Methodically eating, chewing, flatulating, biding their time.
The earth grew warmer as their efforts rose in the air,
While scientist begged humans to eat less meat, in despair.
Cow pies covered the fields as the green grass grew abundant,
Environmentalists argued over positions inane and redundant.
Then an upheaval so massive it’s hard to understand,
Cows the world over organized to make the last gaseous stand.
With an earth shuddering roar cows let loose a trombone blast,
Humans held their noses, grimacing, gagged with a gasp.
The skies were finally saturated to the fullest extent,
There was no other contribution, not a single cow could vent.
All bovines moved as if a perceived signal had been given,
To rivers and lakes and hidden valleys they were driven.
One volunteer cow stood on a Rocky Mountain height,
Its suicide mission, the methane atmosphere to light.
It struck a match, a beacon that flared a bright red,
And thrust it into the green layer just above its horned head.
The rest is history, there is nothing more one can say,
Only cows populate the earth no humans lived past that day.
Note: Several years past a Wall Street Journal article proposed “Cow Tax” in an effort to underscores the Greenhouse-Gas Divide. I thought; “Could there really be a grain of truth here?” The poem is a response to ‘what if’!
©2014, Donald Harbour