Getting in trouble on the farm

This is called a list poem. My brother Mike is three years younger than me. We had a bunch of cousins of all ages whom visited us from time to time. Mischief should have been our middle names. From the age of five until about eleven we lived on a farm near Malvern at Glenrose, Arkansas. That was possibly the best time in my life. There are a lot of things one can do on a farm, especially when your are allowed to wander the woods and fields at will. I also indulged in causing misery for everyone including myself. These are some of the things on the farm that can get one into trouble .

How does a little boy get in trouble on a farm? Easy!

Dipping granny’s snuff
Hitting your little brother with a wet cow pie
Putting a garter snake in your parent’s bed
Peeing on the floor furnace in winter
Getting into dad’s home brew beer
Taking a hunk out of mom’s cooling apple pie
Having your city cousin piss on the tractor spark plug as you hit the starter
Pushing your brother off the roof to see if his superman sheet will help him fly
Setting the corn silo on fire
Setting the pump house on fire
Riding the pigs into the slough
Brother and you having an egg fight just after gathering them
Milking the cow and pouring it on your brother
Tying wax paper around the cat’s paws then siccing the dog on it
Digging a hole in the garden to see if you could get to China
Smoking rabbit tobacco in a corn cob pipe
Shooting out the workshop windows with your BB-gun
Shooting the cat with your BB-gun
Loudly farting in church during silent prayer
Planting Castor plant beans in Uncle Buddy’s garden corn rows
Using mom’s new cooking pot for a helmet while playing army
Pouring paint thinner in the gas tank of your dad’s truck
Helping your male mutt mate with the neighbors pedigreed female Irish Setter
Seeing how many beans you can stuff up your nose and not being able to get them out
Drinking grandpa’s Hadacol for your imagined pain, then passing out on the sofa
Getting caught looking through a keyhole at your fourteen year old cousin while she bathed (you are seven)
Painting the door knobs in the house with sorghum molasses
Using mom’s lipstick for warpaint while playing cowboys and Indians
Using mom’s hose garters for your sling shot
Pooping in a bag, setting it on fire on the neighbors porch, knocking on the door then hiding to watch them stomp it out
Damming up the creek and flooding a planted field
Daring the bull to chase you
Running the tractor into a sandy hole in the creek
Opening the rabbit coup so the bunnies can play with their wild cousins
Using mom’s Mason jars for target practice
Using the garden hose to make a swing in a tree
Throwing a duck in the water well
Getting caught in the hay loft with the next door farmers daughter checking out each others equipment (at eight years old that’s about all you can do)

No one was ever seriously hurt or permanently damaged by these shenanigans, and everyone has lived to a ripe old age, including me.